Life Changing Choices

 

Teaching has always been my passion my purpose. I have been teaching for 14 years. However, teaching starting in the spring of 2020 changed within a matter of weeks. Thank you Jesus I am very technology smart and that helped me tremendously. I helped other teachers as much as I could and learned so much more in the process. We spent a lot of time teaching our students via Zoom how to use their apps, how to use the iPad itself, how to take good pictures so we can see their work, and about a million other things (okay perhaps not a million but it felt that way) just to get E-Learning off the ground. Within all this mess, we stopped teaching, we were told to "simplify" our lessons, and forget grading them, because everybody passes even if they didn't do anything at all! I understand empathy and believe me I have tons of empathy for the families and the kids, this is hard, but guess what? WE CAN DO HARD THINGS! If you were sitting right here right now you would have heard me screaming it so loud your ears would hurt. I feel like no matter how hard I work, I am working harder than my students. My days are anywhere from working 12-16 hours a day. Let me remind you I only get paid for 7.5 hours of that time. Why am I working so hard? I want my students to succeed, to make lessons that are easy to follow but allows for creativity, and most of all I want my students to learn period. Teaching has become a nightmare and worst of all my position was changed in the fall of 2020 from Innovation to teaching 5th grade. Innovation was what most would refer to as STEAM. You see STEAM is what I was born to teach, I love it so much, and to watch little light bulbs come on above my students' heads was the most outstanding proud feeling I have ever felt. I was proud to hear from paras, who came with the students, how unusual it was to see the students working in groups, cooperatively, purposefully, and even with other kids they usually don't interact within their own class. They were amazed while I was filled with excitement and purpose. But that is all gone now and I don't know when we can ever see that again. Teaching 5th grade has its ups and downs. There are so many things that are out of my control I am lost. My hopes and dreams of being a teacher are so far from me I can't do this anymore.

 After a lot of discussions, prayers, and thought I decided I am going to be walking away from education. I started taking classes for real estate to become an agent.   Am I scared? Oh heck yes, I have lots of skills that will transfer over into this new career path, I wish I knew if this is God's plan for me. I want to be a light in this dark world, I want to bring joy with me where ever I go. I am a bubbly, happy, overachieving, and caring person, but right now I am not I am quite the opposite. I heard this quote while listening to an audiobook "Happiness is not the opposite of depression, but purpose is" this resonated with me deeply. I am suffering from depression, I feel like the dream I was chasing just fell out under my feet, and I am sinking deeper into the pit. I don't want to feel like this, in the eye of the storm. So here I am I got the opportunity given to me to take the first real estate course for free (thank you Sheryl). 

So, here I go I ask that God stays with me and near me along this new adventure. I am finishing out this school year but next school year I will be in a different role of my choosing. I get to use all my skills new and old to help wonderful people buy or sell their homes and that is an amazing purpose. Best of all, I can see my bubbly, happy, overachiever coming back, wow, I missed her.